Tag Archives: review

Karate Kid 2010 Review – I loved it

11 Jun
Karate Kid 2010 Great Wall

Jaden Smith trains with Jackie Chan on the Great Wall of China

I went to see the 2010 Karate Kid remake. I was not expecting much, but let me just give my rating then qualify that. 10/10.

I could find absolutely no flaws in this. They treated china and the chinese people with the utmost respect, Jaden Smith was GREAT. I think one of the big reasons he worked so well is he acts like a KID. We have had too many child actors who act like pint-size adults (*cough dakota fanning *cough*). Jaden behaves exactly as you’d expect a 12 year old to behave.

Jackie Chan was amazing as always. The training montage, a staple of fight films like Rocky, was done in an original and emotionally gripping manner that did not feel like recycled garbage. Everything seemed realistic, the motivations behind everyone’s actions was believable and communicated well. The directing was great, action amazing, overall quite a surprise since I was not expecting much from this at all. The film was actually moving. People were applauding and cheering in the theater during the final fight scene exactly as they would had they been there.

There could be a temptation to just saturate the film with action and have the story, if any, take a backseat to that. But instead the action is not even the point anymore. The story in this film is gripping and really pulls you in. Who hasn’t felt nervous on the first day at a new school? Who hasn’t been teased or bullied? Who hasn’t felt scared in a new phase in their life? Who hasn’t had tragedy and misfortune destroy their lives? I absolutely loved the film.

I am thinking of going to see it again. Director Herald Zwart is someone to watch. This is far superior to the 1984 classic, but pays homage in many clever ways to its predecessor. Now the stains of Karate Kid II and III are finally cleansed.

Bravo to everyone involved in this project!


Taken – Movie Review (it sucked)

10 Jun
Taken movie poster

Taken Movie Poster (2008)

So I finally saw Taken this week.

I was intriqued by this cool-looking trailer I watched:

The premise is brilliant. Brian Mills (Liam Neeson) is an ex-CIA/NSA type, who has retired in order to be closer to his daughter. She goes off to Paris on a trip, and while there gets kidnapped while she is on the phone with Daddy. Continue reading

Avatar Sucked

21 Dec

(click on comic to view full size)

Click to view full size - Avatar Sucked webcomic

Click to view full size - Avatar Sucked webcomic

I absolutely HATED it.

Its ferngully meets captain planet. Except ferngully was better because it had a funny talking bat voiced by robin williams. Also, it’s basically Pocahontas.

I don’t get it. A lot of people have said that this was so visually amazing..but it was not any more spectacular to me than the end sequence of Phantom Menace or many many many video games I have played. It was a very uncreative battle with really boring military aircraft designs.

The mechs for example, could have been designed by a 10 year old. Gone are the days of Syd Meads amazing industrial designs I guess. The airships looked like a Gi Joe toy.


Why cant they make something even 1/100th as beautiful as the japanese mech designs:


The helicopters looked more boring than modern military helicopter designs. The guns were boring. The body armor was boring. EVERYTHING was poorly designed…the aliens were BLUE CATS. In a world that is 100% CGI the BEST you can come up with is BLUE CATS??????????? Why not make them green people with little diddley boppers? Oh yeah because THAT would be boring and unoriginal right?

Ugh..This movie was made of epic fail. And how they win at the end couldn’t have been more ridiculous if they literally hugged a rainbow. here I will spoil it for you: they pray to a tree. Seriously. All they have to do to win is pray to a tree, and then the birdies and battle bunnies attack the bad guys and win. Yay lets go hug daffodils!

I’ll say one positive thing, I did like the design for the tiger monster things. The bird/pterodactyl things I did not like nearly as much since the face was a near duplicate of an eel. I didn’t like the idea of a universal USB for all the lifeforms there, its taking the concept of Gaia way too literally.

oh and don’t get me started on the subtitles. Papyrus. Seriously. They used papyrus. Why not comic sans? Why not times new roman? Papyrus? My god… That is on itself a glaring iceberg of the originality flaws in the film.

And really, the CGI is still not photorealistic. I am sorry..it still does not look real. The test will be when we can show footage of a human being walking around and talking and then people genuinely not be able to tell the difference. We aren’t there yet, may not get there until maybe 10 years.

Movie directors like Lucas and Cameron are acting like a teenager who just discovered solar flare filter in photoshop and use it on EVERYTHING. Just because you can fill every shot with 500,000 things does not mean you SHOULD.

Waltz with bashir review

2 Sep

I finally watched ‘Waltz with bashir’ last night. It had BEAUTIFUL animation, but despite being a war movie was quite boring. I did learn a little about history, and after reading up on The lebanese civil war I have a somewhat better understanding of the massacres against civilians the movie centers around.

In a nutshell:

  • Lebanon has a large christian population, specifically Maronite Christians
  • They had a civil war between political groups of Christians vs Palestinian Muslims
  • Israel armed and trained the Phalangist political party (christians) since they had a mutual hatred for Palestinian mulims
  • The Phalangist leader Bashir was assassinated in 1982.
  • Israel sent forces into Lebanon to help the Phalangists
  • Two days after Phalangist leader Bashir was assassinated, the Israeli Defense Forces surrounded the Palestinian refugee camps of Sabra and Shatila, not allowing anyone to escape
  • They then allowed the Phalangists to enter the camp
  • 3,500 Palestinian unarmed women, children, old men etc are massacred.

The movie is a documentary about a Israeli soldier who was there, who was so traumatized by what he saw that it was erased from his memory, and the documentary is about him finding his old batallion members and finding out what happened.

When they finally reach the massacre it’s interesting, but all the stuff before then is really slow boring conversations. The animation was superb and unlike anything I have ever seen before… but overall I couldn’t really recommended this to anyone other than animation enthusiasts.

10 things I learned from watching ‘State of Play’ (spoilers)

21 Apr

So i went out to see ‘State of Play’ to see if I could see me. Indeed, you can see me, but only the same scenes you see me in the trailer. Anyway:


10 things I learned from watching ‘State of Play’ (spoilers)

  1. DC Cops respond to incidents in Crystal City, Virginia
  2. You can leave a hospital on the 3rd floor via elevator, run across the street to a building where you stashed your silence sniper rifle, and shoot the recovering patient all in the time it takes for a journalist to walk from the same elevator to the hospital room.
  3. There is plenty of convenient parking in Washington DC
  4. Reporters drink..ALL THE TIME
  5. You can learn a lot of useful information from sweaty guys named Vic if you agree to not one, but two dates
  6. Even after your best friend sleeps with your wife you can still continue to trust him, and should be astonished if he betrays you again.
  7. You can shove a woman during busy morning commute onto the path of a train and there will be zero witnesses to see you do it.
    1. If you plan on shoving a woman onto the path of a train, and there are only 3 blind spots in the cameras in the metro, your victim will automatically stand right in the sweet spot.
  8. The only purpose of parking garages in movies is for the psycho guy to stalk you. That and car chases.
  9. If a story is important enough then people should have newsprint on their fingers when they read it. No need to you know, post it online or anything. It can wait.
  10. Editors serve no purpose other than to let their reporters do whatever they want.

Watchmen is the worst movie ever made

12 Mar

I saw Watchmen and HATED IT.

Ok..I didn’t watch the whole thing I WALKED OUT after 1 hour because I thought to myself..jesus christ I have to sit through 2 more hours of shit shit?

Malin Akerman (Silk Spectre II) is without a doubt the world’s worst actress. I have seen porn actresses who deserve an oscar for best actress compared to her. Episodes of Baywatch feature models delivering tear-inducing dramatic performances compared to her. She must give really damn good head because that is the only possible way someone without any acting skills whatsoever or martial arts skills landed a leading role in a major motion picture.

Jackie Earle Haley (Rorschach) did not learn the lesson of Christian Bale as batman and decided to use an extremely irritating fake deep voice. Hey, Director Zack Snyder..if you want your character to have a deep imposing voice, CAST AN ACTOR WHO HAS THAT KIND OF VOICE.

Oh and if you enjoy staring at cock n’ balls you are in for a treat as the character if Dr.Manhattan has the super power of rampant exhibitionism.


The movie is paced incredibly slow, the characters are ridiculous and you can never for even a second take them seriously. There must be some sort of mass hysteria Brittney Spears style (one of the best-selling female singer of all time, Grammy award, etc.) for this to have been so popular of a story it merited a big-budget summer film.

I will never get my $10 back but at least I only wasted one hour of my life.

Revolutionary Road: Movie review

11 Jan


Watch The Trailer

So I went to see ‘Revolutionary Road’ this past weekend.

I was not too optimistic about it after seeing the trailer, seemed like just another troubled couple film. But I am glad I gave it a chance, it was great!

I absolutely loved it. In my opinion, the theme and lesson of the film are: Children ruin everything.

The two main characters are stuck in a house with 2 children, the first was a mistake/oops that led to their marriage, and the 2nd was just to prove the first was not a mistake. Neither are very happy about the situation, and well, lots of other things happen. I usually have far less to say about a film that I like that one I had issues with, but this was a great film.

I was not a fan of ‘American Beauty’ but this takes many of the themes and setting of that film and perfects it. It is Sam Mendes opus.

Both Leo and Kate provide extremely strong performances. One of their best is a scrambled egg scene. You’ll know what I mean when you see it.

Michael Shannon provided an amazing performance as a mentally disturbed man who will remind you very very much of Heath Ledger’s Joker. Wonderful film from beginning to end, and I will leave it highly recommended to you.

Any awards the film receives for the actors, screenwriters or director are very very well deserved.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – Review

8 Jan

See the Trailer

So I went to see ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ courtesy of the movie studio itself Paramount Pictures (thanks paramount!). This is because I vote in the annual Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Awards. The film is based on a George Carlin joke. (just kidding)

Anyway, I’ll do a conclusion first then elaborate.


The Bad

The film is too long ( 3 friggin hours???), lacks direction, has unconvincing old age effects. The whole 2nd half of the film is boring. Cate Blanchett’s character is boring and lacking any depth. Unoriginal story elements of having the main characters appear in the movie very old then flashback to when they were young (like ‘The Notebook’ or ‘Away from Her’ or ‘Titanic’)

The Good

The film is visually beautiful (you’d expect nothing less from Fincher), the youthful effects are 100% convincing and amazing to behold. The first half of the film is awesome, reminds me of Forrest Gump. Tilda Swinton is in it. Good memorable eccentric characters like Benjamin Button himself, his mom, Captain Mike.

Elaborations (has some spoilers)

The movie is about a man who is born old and ‘ages’ young. The more years he is alive, the more youthful his body becomes. His father abandons him because he is horrified by his babies monstrous appearance. He is adopted by a black woman who can not have children of her own and raises him in a retirement home. The story is told from the Diary of Benjamin Button as his love interest Daisy lay dying on a hospital bed.

This first half of the film (covering about 25 years of his life) is the best part. I really enjoyed the eccentric old people in his retirement home and their stories, especially the guy who keeps saying he got struck by lightning seven times. I am pretty sure there is some symbolism there, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

The film gets a bit creepy when Benjamin Button meets his love interest, a 5 year old Cate Blanchett. It is creepy because this is a grown man (Brad Pitt) made up to look like an even OLDER man who is flirting with a 5-6 year old. At least they didn’t kiss but they come close and yah..weird.

There was also a pointless sequence where he goes on a bus ride with a Nigerian man who tells him some stories about his wives being eaten by alligators. He eventually gets a job on a tugboat and meets one of the films best characters that injects some much-needed energy into the film, Captain Mike. Working with Captain Mike gets Benjamin the money and experience he needs to go off on his own, visit Russia, fuck Tilda Swinton (god I think shes gorgeous) and sink a German U-Boat.

Speaking of pointless, why did they set the film’s modern sequence during Katrina? More symbolism I suppose, since multiple times in the film there are references to a ‘coming storm’. Probably symbolizes our unavoidable eventual death as a brewing storm.

Anyway, The film gets VERY cheesy then by having Captain Mike become a Humming bird after he dies, since he loves Humming Birds. (‘Tha’ is not a bird..tha’ is a friggin’ miracle!’) and then having Benjamin become a hummingbird when he dies.

Oh, just remembered another pointless sequence in the film. They tell the story of an old blind watchmaker who makes a clock that runs backward, so that he might get his son back from death. The insinuation is that somehow this caused Benjamin Button to be born. But its pointless and silly and just adds more time to the already too-long film.

Let me go on a tangent about movies that are excessively long.

Tangent on Excessively Long Movies

Ok quick movie history lesson, once upon a time Directors were Gods. Studios let them do anything they wanted. As a result, the directors would make ridiculously long movies (3 hour long Deer Hunter, 3 hour long Godfather, 5 hour long Heaven’s gate) because well, the movie is their baby and they didn’t want to cut off any chunk of it. Eventually the studios got tired of this and the modern movie era was born, the 2 hour or less running time for the MTV generation.

Lately, the studios have reverted back to allowing big-name directors make really really long movies. So they let Peter Jackson smoke crack and make the 3 hour long King Kong, the 3 hour long Lord of the Rings movies (even longer directors cut too if your that bored), the 3 hour long AI , 2 hour 30 minute batman. Personally, I feel there is almost no excuse for making a movie over2 hours. This usually happens because the director is in love with their own work and feel its just pure genius and the more we see of it the better. But they miss the important lesson of subtlety. Loud and excessive is not elegant, it is low brow. Its better to display only one sculpture for example than to display 100 beautiful sculpture..they get lost in their own excess.

Did we really need to spend ANY amount of screen time in The Dark Knight on ‘Evil Azn Investment Banker Man’? Did we need to have a 20 minute long dinosaur stampede sequence in King Kong? And in the case of Benjamin Button, did we really need to waste any screen time on the visiting African man? On Benjamin going to New York and meeting Daisy’s new BF? On him getting stuck on a roof as a old baby? On The blind watchmaker sequence? The unfurnished apartment sequence? There was so much excessive wasted screen time. The old lady Daisy was unnecessary and we as an audience could give less of a shit about their daughter. Anyway…

Back to the Review

The movie nukes the fridge when Benjamin finds out who his real father is, travels to New York and meets Daisy and her new BF. The film loses all focus and becomes an uninteresting unrequited / lost love story. Daisy’s character is totally undeveloped, she comes off as a bit shallow and we really don’t learn much about her other than she likes to dance and New York city and likes (much) older men. Around this point the only thing keeping me in the theater is to see what happens to Benjamin when he dies. Will he be a 5’10” baby? Will he turn into a fetus? Sadly nothing that interesting. He just becomes a little boy and then a baby and then dies.

Which makes no sense. They established he was born with all the ailments of old age, arthritis, brittle bones, non-elastic skin. Yet they have him develop dementia when he has the youthful body?

That was just a convenient way I guess, to make it so Daisy is not making out with a 8 year old since he forgets his past. But that didn’t stop other films.

The film lacks any real direction. What was the point? What did we learn? It wasn’t even that good of a love story. As cheesy as it was, ‘The Notebook’ was way better than this film and had an identical premise except for the reverse aging thing. About the only reason to see it is if you are a big Tilda Swinton fan (I am) or a big David Fincher fan (I am) or have a free ticket (I did). My butt was hurting around hour 2.45 like you wouldn’t believe.

Also as a side thing:

Ten Things we learn from Benjamin Button

  1. The Father of the penguin in Batman returns wasn’t the only guy who deserted his son because he was UGLY.
  2. twirling head-on into the middle of the street without heeding traffic is a perfectly safe activity that only bad luck could turn into tragedy.
  3. You can inherit a factory without ID.
  4. Aging makeup still sucks
  5. German submarines are no match for rickety tin tugboats
  6. If you get shot several times by heavy machine gun through vital organs, you will still have enough time to say something really profound before you die.
  7. Just because its 2009 does not mean we can not use the old ‘Magical Negro’ story device.
  8. When your wife starts to show signs of age, abandon her and your newborn baby to ride a motorcycle and wash clothes in India, then return years later for some sex.
  9. Dogs can live to be 30 years old
  10. Even after being born with a fantastic mutation that reverse ages you, you can still lead a very boring, unremarkable life.

Sprint HTC Touch Pro Review -iPhone killer

25 Dec


So I just my HTC Touch Pro from sprint store in DC on Dec 24th. It is a new smartphone from High Tech Computer Corporation of Taiwan.

ROM version 1.03.651.4
Build Date 11/11/08

First, I’ll post my conclusion first, then the details.

Conclusion: holy ^$&#*# this is the greatest thing I’ve ever owned or seen, my life up until this moment has been lived just to experience the HTC Touch Pro.

Review Details

Basically, this all started when I saw that Sprint was offering a 450 minutes + unlimited data plan for $69.99 a month (this includes sprint nav GPS services, internet, mail, text messages, EVERYTHING) This plan is cheaper than what my current plan was, so I switched. Then I glanced at my phone, a KRZR and realized it would not be able to fully take advantage of the data plan. So I began hunting for a smartphone.

I’ve never owned a smartphone before, so I was intimidated. I looked at the iphone, blackberrys etc. But the HTC Touch Pro really got to me. It has a beautiful interface, the touchflo 3d interface made by HTC.

That is the default touchflo interface, I modified mine to look like this:

I like my modified interface MUCH better than the stock interface..but I’ll return to that topic later.

The phone has a full keyboard, which I love! I tried typing on iphone, its so annoying. This phone runs on Windows Mobile 6.1, which is a pretty boring-looking OS but it lets you do SO much.

Thanks to the developer community at http://forum.xda-developers.com and http://forum.ppcgeeks.com i was able to change many things about the phone to make it way better. I even loaded a UI called iFOnz that turns the device into an iphone clone, just for laughs:


What I love

  • Full, easy to type on keyboard
  • Touchflo 3D
  • Opera Browser is fantastic
  • VGA high res screen
  • No need for Stylus
  • It has a stylus
  • ability to heavily modify, device is not as padlocked as iphone
  • Sprint GPS with turn-by-turn directions, extremely fast lock and accurate
  • Built in AIM, Yahoo, MSN chat clients that parse URLs
  • Weather animations in touchflo 3D
  • SD card can be hot swapped
  • Came with high quaility screen protector, tons of accessories
  • Phone is tiny!
  • Phone is FAST, it really feels like a handheld laptop capable of just about anything
  • installing and uninstalling programs is very very easy

What I didn’t love, but managed to fix within 24 hours

  • Low speaker volume in phone calls (loaded a tweaked sound modification, now its PERFECT)
  • Slow SD card navigation
  • Sprint branded UI (I removed sprint logo and all sprint crap)
  • Locking is boring (I loaded a slide-to-unlock program just like iphones feature)
  • Screen does not always rotate (loaded a file to make this work in everything except touchflo 3D)
  • Did not come with car charger (bought one for $7)
  • Boring looking contact list (loaded iContact for an iphone-like contact list)
  • File explorer does not give you the kind of power you’d need to copy lots of files, rename etc.
  • Calendar is boring
  • Opera kept taking me to mobile versions of website

What I didn’t love but I can’t fix

No headphone jack without a USB adaptor

So once you remove the stuff I didn’t like since I fixed it with programs, then theres only one tiny thing I don’t love, the no headphones thing. I dont plan on storing a ton of music on here though but it would be nice to have the jack without the usb adapter.

A lot of people felt the phone was thick, not me. This is my first smart phone so maybe people are used to other thinner phones, but the keyboard makes me so happy. I really really really love the GPS. The phone is beautiful and worth every penny. If you are considering a smartphone this is the one for you, you can get it really cheap at bestbuy until dec 25 with a new account and 2-year contract, or at a sprint store. To me, this is the iPhone killer. But then again I can understand that many people don’t want to go around to forums installing applications to modify their phone and prefer it just works out of the box without much hassle.

Here is another good video review: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecvGg8qgq5o

here is my video:

Let the Right One In movie review

12 Nov

Let the right one in movie poster

View the trailer here

So this past weekend I went to see “Let The Right One In” (Låt den rätte komma in) which is a Swedish vampire movie that just came out here in the US.

They are of course, going to be making an english remake in 2009.

Anyway, it got 96% good reviews on Rotten tomatoes so I naturally felt I had to go see it. Basically I would summarize it as ‘My Girl’ except with vampires. It has no real plot though, no real villain, no real development at all. It seems like some elaborate revenge fantasy made up by the books author against childhood bullies. It is beautiful to behold, has fantastic scenery with real snow. Can you believe it? REAL SNOW. Movies like 30 days of night used so much fake snow it made it hard for me to get INTO the movie when the snow they passed off as real snow looks fake as shit.

So it’s worth seeing for the beautiful direction and imagery, but is it a good movie? I’d say no. The entire theater was laughing their asses off at the ending sequence, and also at another scene involving cats.

View the ridiculous cat sequence:

Basically it was hard to take the movie seriously after that.

Open Water movie review

4 Nov

Strangely I couldn’t find an entry for a review of the movie Open Water, so I am posting it now and adding it to my memorable entries. Here is the movie open water as web comic


Little Big Planet review

29 Oct



So I ran out and got Little Big Planet, a game I have been so excited about. Here is the gameplay trailer to give you an idea of what the game looks and feels like.

I only played for a few hours, but greatly enjoyed it. I usually skip tutorials but it was so fun and so integrated into the feel of the game I just had to sit through it. Even the opening credits are interactive and fun. The sack people are SO cute and I love how different you can make yourself look with costumes and stickers and accessories. My sackboy ended up being a pirate bunny complete with cute fluffy bunny tail and hook hand and eye patch.

Sadly, the online servers were down but thats ok because the single player game is a blast. The challenge will definitely be in finding 100% of the items in every map. The harder levels are quite hard too, but still have such a nice sense of fun. I was very impressed by everything, it has a flawless user interface, so intuitive and fun to use. The music is fantastic, the physics impressive. This is a game-changer, this game sets a new precedent for what an innovative game is. The ability to create any map you want is amazing and although I am sure some inappropriate levels will be made, overall there will some fantastic stuff. I haven’t tried the map creation part of the game yet, but plan on toying with it soon. Just look at some of the maps made during the beta phase:

Some Cool User Created Maps

Here is one 9/11 Little Big Planet map, and another.

Also here is a pac-man map, a working calculator that is composed of 610 magnetic switches, 500 Wires, 430 pistons and 70 emitters and god knows what else, and of course a super mario map.

Little Big Planet Humor

Penny Arcade Little Big Planet


Overall I give the game a 11/10 and it’s the only reason you’ll ever need to own a PS3.

Schindler’s List was not that good

8 Sep

I finally saw Schindler’s List for the first time.

I think the enormous amount of praise the film garnered was a case of
the emperors new clothes. While I’m sure many were actually very moved and
impressed with the film I cant be the only one who was underwhelmed. I’m
sure there were many critics who were too afraid to say what they really

For instance, it had bizarre comic relief throughout. I was actually
surprised at how much humor the film had. For example the one scene with the
little boy trying to find his own hiding spot in the concentration camp so
he wouldn’t be taken away in death trucks was a very weird place and time in
the film to have something cute and funny. Every place he tried to find to
hide was already full of kids.

But then Spielberg is known for that.

Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson kicked ass in the film as actors, and I was
very impressed by both performances, but I really felt the film was lacking.
I can see why Spielberg tried desperately to get other directors to do this
film instead of him, he was right in thinking he was not the director for
the job.

Also why were the concentration camp victims so well-fed? Not only were they
not emaciated most looked rather portly.

Scenes like when Goeth plays Mozart while the German military flushes out
people hiding in the ghetto is a very old and tired dramatic technique (one
I made fun of in ‘Face/Off’ when ‘When You Wish Upon A Star’ plays during a
very intense shootout scene where many people die, with no other sound
effect heard) and although the irony of Mozart being played by Goeth is not
lost on me, it was not an elegant scene and one that I would expect from a
more amateur director, not someone of Spielberg’s experience.

From a review by Jeremy Heilman:

“The mindset [of putting more importance and focus on the survivors rather
than the victims] also turns up on a larger scale near the film’s end, in a
tasteless suspense scene that mines thrills over whether the titular list
will arrive in time to save the Jews from getting gassed in a death camp.

In her exalting New York Times review, Janet Maslin wrote, “Mr. Spielberg
has made sure that neither he nor the Holocaust will ever be thought of in
the same way again.” Since I see Schindler’s List as a movie riddled with
compromise, misplaced showmanship and audience-pleasing spectacle, I worry
that statement might be right.”

Again, I still feel the Pianist was far superior to this film. I liked how one other reviewer put it, ‘A Theme Park Ride Masquerading as a Master’s Thesis’.

Death race 2008 was actually good

25 Aug

Watch the trailer

I am seriously starting to wonder what the hell is wrong with critics now a days.


Movies they said were GOOD that I hated:

  • Dark Knight
  • Tropic Thunder
  • Lost in Translation
  • There will be Blood
  • No Country for Old Men
  • Wall-E (beginning was a masterpiece, 2nd half was a crappy warner brothers cartoon)
  • Kung-Fu Pands (shitty animation, the best part was the hand-drawn stuff at the beginning)

Movies they said were BAD that I loved:

  • Speed Racer
  • X-Files: I want to believe
  • Fly Boys
  • Hancock
  • and of course, Death Race

Now don’t get me wrong, death race is not high art. THAT’S why it’s good. It’s unabashedly a b-movie. Slow motion bouncy boob shoots, steroid-saturated hero, blood, guts, huge guns, fast cars, amazing slow motion wrecks. This movie has it all for the action junky. I absolutely loved it. It had some great characters. Tyrese Gibson‘s portrayal of ‘Machine-gun Joe’ was awesome. he made the movie for me. Jason Statham has never wowed me over at all, he just squints his eyes a lot and grimmaces. Ian McShane as ‘Coach’ was also a very important person that really sold the movie to me, his character was great.

I loved how loud the movie was..I’m not sure if it was just my theater or what but I swear cars in the parking lot must have broken windows and car alarms blaring from the rumble of the bass. The action sequences were well-edited, the death scenes gory as hell. The cars seemed to race at a realistic speed considering they were all covered in 6-inch thick steel armor. Overall if you are a fan of action I’d say give this a shot you will probably love it as much as I did.

The Happening sucked

16 Jun

I saw it, sadly.

It made me want to gouge my eyeballs out with my car keys.

Or perhaps, lay down in the grass and let a industrial lawnmower turn me into fresh fertilizer.

Yes, it was god-awful..and I enjoyed all of M Knight’s past films including Lady in the Water and the Village.

Someone needs to stop writer-director-producer man before he writes-direct-produces again! It could happen anywhere, at ANY TIME! WE ARE NOT SAFE!

The movie’s initial premise is a good one, but very very very badly executed, mostly due to hideous acting and even more atrocious dialog.

Some real examples of the dialog:

  • Woman: “we’re not going to stand around and not do anything like those assholes on TV…we are NOT ASSHOLES!”
  • Soldier: ‘Cheese and Crackers!”
  • Man: “We Lost Contact”
    • Marky Mark: “With whom??”
      • Man: (dramatic pause) “everybody”
  • Delrious little girl: “I SEE CALCULUS!”
  • old man: “Hot dogs are underated, they have a cool shape and contain a lot of protein”
  • marky mark: “Please Mrs Jones, hear me out, you see i’m a teacher”
  • marky mark: “we’re normal, you can tell that by our voices”
  • marky mark: “Jaaaarrrrrrrreeeeeeeedddd”
  • John Lequizamo: “Only hold my child’s hand if you mean it.”
  • Old lady: ‘You eying my lemon drink?”
  • man: “YOU AIN’T LETTIN’ THAT TOXIC GAS IN HERE! YOU might be the terrorists!”
  • marky mark (he is saying this to a potted plant) “We are just here to use the bathroom. I hope that’s ok???”
  • marky mark (to himself) “C’mon, be scientific, douchebag”


I’d wager sex and the city was better than this.

The Fall Review – Tarsem Singh

1 Jun

Trailer for “The Fall” (quicktime)

In Los Angeles circa 1915, a little immigrant girl (Catinca Untaru) is in a hospital recovering from a fall. She strikes up a friendship with a bedridden man (Lee Pace), who captivates her with a whimsical story that removes her far from the hospital doldrums into the exotic landscapes of her imagination. Making sure he keeps the girl interested in the story he interweaves her family and people she likes from the hospital into his tale. Shot on location in 18 countries around the world, The Fall is a moving, visually sumptuous fantasy of exotic bandits, evil tyrants, dream-like palaces and breathtaking landscapes.

The Fall Tarsem Singh

The Fall Tarsem Singh

The Fall Tarsem Singh

The Fall Tarsem Singh

The Fall Tarsem Singh

The Fall Tarsem Singh

I saw the 10pm showing at E street cinemas on Saturday May 31st in Washington D.C., and Tarsem himself was there after the movie ended to do a question and answer.

He basically said he sold everything and sunk his entire savings into making this, he said no studio would touch it. So this is his baby, and he even pokes fun at other directors (the chanting mystics drawing directions on the the one mystic was him making fun of ‘Baraka’). He said he waited for literally 20 years to find the one girl..he said that’s the only thing that kept him from making it is they needed the perfect little girl. They said when they found her she did not speak English, she became fluent after about 10 days on the set.

He also said his own GF dumped him, moved away and married some other dude and had kids with the guy and that it left him ‘fucked up’ so the movie’s themes of despair over lost love was very very personal. It wouldn’t surprise me if he himself was suicidal but he didn’t touch on that. He said it took about 4 years to film and they traveled to 28 countries to film it. He also said none of the locations in the film were CGI, it was all 100% real locations. He said the only CGI they used was to remove modern things that shouldn’t be there. He said thats part of the reason the movie took so many years to finally get made, he was scouting the world for some of the most scenic, beautiful locations possible. He was a cool guy, very friendly and as expected a bit eccentric.

He said that Lee Pace was under strict orders to not let anyone know he could actually walk. He wanted everyone on the set to believe Lee Pace was actually paralyzed. I’m not sure why he felt that was so important but I guess he is more into method actors or something.

I asked Tarsem about the similarities between this movie and the Sweet Lullaby video by Deep Forest, he responded he happily “plagiarized” his own work for this movie, he felt that his entire body of work was practice for this movie. I personally feel it is his opus, his masterpiece. If you do not see this movie in the big screen you are making a HUGE mistake.

I can not emphasize enough how beautiful this movie was. Stunning cinematography, a true modern masterpiece.

100 out of 10 stars.

“When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.”
– John Ruskin

Stardust the movie

14 May
BboyNeko (11:19:11 PM): didn’t you reccomend some movie
BboyNeko (11:19:12 PM): to me
BboyNeko (11:19:14 PM): started with an s
BboyNeko (11:19:18 PM): some fantasy film
ironicsupertonic (11:54:38 PM): i forget
BboyNeko (11:56:17 PM): star something
BboyNeko (11:56:26 PM): some like fantsay film i think
BboyNeko (11:56:30 PM): relatively recent
ironicsupertonic (11:57:11 PM): oh
ironicsupertonic (11:57:14 PM): wait
ironicsupertonic (11:57:15 PM): huh?
ironicsupertonic (11:57:19 PM): chronicles of narnia?
BboyNeko (11:57:23 PM): no
BboyNeko (11:57:28 PM): some relatively unknown
BboyNeko (11:57:32 PM): kinda indy fantasy film
BboyNeko (11:57:40 PM): im trying to add stuff to my netflic
BboyNeko (11:57:43 PM): forgot the title
ironicsupertonic (11:59:19 PM): uhhh
ironicsupertonic (11:59:22 PM): i have no clue man
BboyNeko (11:59:26 PM): :-(
ironicsupertonic (11:59:36 PM): is this something i mentioned today?
BboyNeko (11:59:51 PM): no
BboyNeko (11:59:52 PM): while back
ironicsupertonic (12:00:20 AM): hmmmmmmmm
ironicsupertonic (12:00:23 AM): spirited away?
ironicsupertonic (12:00:26 AM): iron giant?
BboyNeko (12:00:33 AM): no
ironicsupertonic (12:00:33 AM): final fantasy advent children?
BboyNeko (12:00:36 AM): nope :-(
BboyNeko (12:00:43 AM): it reminded me of golden compass tho
BboyNeko (12:00:46 AM): the way the cover looked
ironicsupertonic (12:00:47 AM): akira?
BboyNeko (12:00:49 AM): no
ironicsupertonic (12:01:03 AM): i love netflix
BboyNeko (12:01:20 AM): areyou my buddy on there
ironicsupertonic (12:02:19 AM): doubt it
ironicsupertonic (12:02:53 AM): hrmmmm
ironicsupertonic (12:02:56 AM): i’m trying to think
ironicsupertonic (12:03:07 AM): indie animated film
ironicsupertonic (12:03:10 AM): ghost in the shell?
ironicsupertonic (12:03:32 AM): what’s it about?
BboyNeko (12:04:41 AM): no
BboyNeko (12:04:43 AM): not animated
BboyNeko (12:04:46 AM): its live action
BboyNeko (12:04:53 AM): something with like a woman on the cover
BboyNeko (12:05:00 AM): in my mind im remembering
BboyNeko (12:05:02 AM): glitter
BboyNeko (12:05:03 AM): or shiny
BboyNeko (12:05:04 AM): sun
BboyNeko (12:05:06 AM): not sunshine
BboyNeko (12:05:09 AM): i already saw that
BboyNeko (12:05:11 AM): something else
ironicsupertonic (12:06:06 AM): oh\
BboyNeko (12:07:51 AM): STARDUST
BboyNeko (12:07:53 AM): jeez
BboyNeko (12:08:16 AM): lol
BboyNeko (12:08:21 AM): it was already in my queue
BboyNeko (12:08:22 AM): fail
ironicsupertonic (12:08:38 AM): LOL
ironicsupertonic (12:08:38 AM): nice
BboyNeko (12:08:45 AM): so you did see that
ironicsupertonic (12:08:48 AM): and i didn’t recommend stardust
BboyNeko (12:08:51 AM): shit
BboyNeko (12:08:51 AM): lol
ironicsupertonic (12:08:52 AM): double fail

Sunshine Review (2007, Danny Boyle)

7 May


So I finally got around to seeing “Sunshine” I was hugely disappointed. It had every cliche ever for a space movie, it basically recycled plot elements from 2010, Event Horizon, Alien/Aliens, Star Trek II, 2001, Solaris, etc.

Here is a list of just some of the cliches I noted:

  1. There was a previous ship sent on the same mission and it disappeared for seven years..no one knows what happened to it.
  2. The crew finds a garbled message from a crew member of the previous failed mission that shows he went nutso.
  3. The crew responds to a distress beacon only to meet their doom by doing so.
  4. Captain sacrifices himself to save the ship
  5. Crew is all young and attractive
  6. The crew are cut off from communication w/Earth.
  7. The ship computer gets an attitude and refuses to cooperate, causing people to die
  8. Someone floats through space with out a space suit and survives.
  9. At some point, an air lock is blown in an attempt to suck the bad guy out of the ship while the hero hangs on tight to something
  10. A crew member goes crazy and has to be sedated and placed in medical room
  11. Same crazy crew member wakes up and kills himself
  12. The hero experiences a magical, religious transformation by killing themselves/merging with something that represents God

The visuals were beautiful, but the film was extremely unoriginal, dull, and mostly a rip-off Event Horizon. event Horizon is overall a better film, in my opinion.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

4 May


ok i just saw it..i don’t know what everyone was talking about the movie was like a 4.5 out of 10 on funny.

Jason Segel as Peter was incredibly dull and lifeless..anytime they tried to make him funny by himself (sitting at the bar doing drunken versions of the

CSI show sarah is on, or playing piano by himself) it falls completely flat.

Russel brand was somewhat funny, not hilarious, his only genuinely funny line was about his other sandal being evil.

Kristen Bell was amazingly dull, even more dull than Jason Segel.

The funniest performances were by the super minor supporting characters like Paul Rudd as Chuck the surf instructor, or Davon McDonald as the big black bartender who could name over 200 different fish. The movie had an excellent premise but fell completely, totally, utterly flat by casting extremely dull people as the main characters.

overall I give it a C- and don’t recommend it to anyone other than as a rental and if you are drunk or some sort of drugged while watching it.

13 things I learned from watching Mission Impossible

22 Jan


  1. 4 oclock is when you’re supposed to meet at the safe house!, 4 oclock..4 oclock 0400 4 am..4 oclock
  2. Clair is gonna go in and she’s gonna talk to Kittridge herself and she’s gonna tell him you had nothing to do with it
  3. They DEAD clair THEY’RE ALL DEAD
  4. Never take Ethan to a nice dinner at a restaurant with a large aquarium
  5. 62 grand a year is how much a CIA director made in 1995
  6. If you boot iup a bugged disc then anywhere from 30 seconds to 10 minutes you’ll have virginia farmboys hopping all around you like jackrabbits
  7. Claire aged 30 and Jim age 60..perfectly believable couple.
  8. If you casually walk into a utility closet and begin your conversation with ‘hey there were three of you where’s the oth..’ you wont be able to finish because you will receive a swift kick to the gut and then knocked out and tied up.
  9. Somewhere between 1995 and 1999, Ving Rhames lost his crown as ‘big black guy’ to Michael Clarke Duncan
  10. It is maddingly obvious Agent Smith’s portrayal in ‘The Matrix’ was a carbon-copy imitation of Henry Czerny’s performance as Kittridge in Mission Impossible.
  11. If you are being chased down a tunnel in Europe by a helicopter, the only smart thing to do is jump on the helicopters legs, stick explosive gum on it’s windshield, and you can rest assured the explosive force of the helicopter going kaboom will send you safely back onto the train you just leapt off, rather than kill you.
  12. Jim not only killed an entire IMF team, he also stole a bible from the Drake Hotel in Chicago
  13. It’s disturbing to look into Jon Voight’s face and see Angelina Jolie staring back at you.

Review of Cloverfield in comic book form

22 Jan


This pretty much sums up my feelings on the movie. I wasn’t crazy about it.

El orfanato aka The Oprhanage Review

22 Jan


Trailer (in spanish)


I just saw this film sunday..and I was very impressed. It’s a spanish-language film directed by Guillermo Del Torro, (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hell Boy). I love hearing spanish from spain..it has it’s own distinct flavor and accent that I feel is elegant.

It was quite scary, I jumped out of my seat like 4 times. On the downside I felt it was extremely predictable. If you’ve seen any “kid sees ghost” horror film you know everything that’s going to happen. But still it was executed so well I didn’t mind so much. It has a beautiful and haunting opening scene that ties in amazingly well later on in the film.

I recommend the film to any fans of foreign horror, the bloodless, creepy kind. It had a lot in common with Pan’s Labyrinth, but it’s from the same director so it’s to be expected.

*edit* I just learned it was not directed by Del Torro, but he just slapped his name on it like ‘Presented by’

Goodfellas : Am I the only one who hated it?

7 Jan

Most overrated film in cinema history…I can not believe the accolades this film received. I never saw it until today, so maybe I am tainted by the greatness of Sopranos and Godfather I & II.

The acting was of course, stellar..but the story..the film…so amazingly dull and boring. I forced myself to sit through the entire thing. And when the credits started rolling I was like..what? That’s it?? I now see where Sopranos got it’s entire look and feel (and cast) and see now that Sopranos is essentially ‘Goodfellas: The TV Series’.

At least Sopranos did it right. They focused on the boss. The focus in this film of a boring two-timing drug dealer who is about as interesting as the wig commercial occurring during the film.

I won’t ever understand why people enjoyed this movie so much and hope all prints are destroyed for the good of humanity. Even Donnie Brasco was a better film than this one.

Bboyneko’s Movie Recommendation of the day – Recon:2020

8 Nov

Recon: 2020




Some of the reviews:

Words really fail me in describing how awful this movie is. I used a free coupon to rent it so my pain was reduced somewhat.

Worst movie ever. Oh, the horror…the horror…This has to be one of the worst movies ever made — right up there with “Plan Nine from Outer Space.” The acting, plot, and effects…awful. Worse than awful. They should seriously consider showing this to inmates as a form of punishment, but I guess that would be too cruel.

Honestly, I wouldn’t even show this movie to Hilter in Hell.

this movie was very bad…i really thought ashton kutcher was gonna pop up and say i been punked then a better movie emerges…but NOOO!!! just the same ole crap glad i fell asleep…god this movie is terrible

A long time ago, I promised myself that when I saw a terrible movie, that I would bet I could still find 10 good things to say about it.

Here are my 10 Good Things about Recon 2020:
1) Straight from credits to nudity. How can this be bad?

2) Many homages to Sergeant Apone from ALIENS, including “Check those corners”, “I want a nice clean dispersal”, and “Nobody touch nothin'”

3) Nice use of video game engines to create space scenes. Of course, they look like video game cutscenes, but its still better than the writhing skeletons (without muscles, yet!) from Timothy Hines’ War of the Worlds.

4) This movie has UFO aliens, tiny space bugs that explode into gallons of goo, zombies, terminatorish cyborgs, werewolves, and even dinosaurs?!? All of that in one movie!?! And they said it couldn’t be done…

5) The guy with the modified helmet with teeth and stuff. Yeah! Custom armor!

6) You just don’t get to hear “anal-probing” said enough in most movies (even those that deserve it). Recon 2020 redresses the balance nicely.

7) Christian Viel got to “live the dream” – writing, directing, editing, and cameos! Woo!

8) This movie would make a heck of a drinking game… each time you spot something ripped off from another movie, everyone else takes a drink. Last person still conscious by the second reel wins! A woman android who says “I’ll be back.”

9) Modified go-kart and dingo races! Mad Max and Death Race in scale models?

10) At least the sound track did not sound like a porno film.

Okay, nice things over. Ow! Ow! Ow! My eyes! The hurting! The DEEEP hurting.

My wife brought this home from some “rental box”.
While I appreciate that she’s looking out for new sci-fi for me to watch…
$1 was too much to pay to rent this.
I will never that dollar get back.
I miss that dollar


WE3 – amazing graphic novel, a must read

24 Sep

This is like 3 years old but I only found out about it yesterday:





WE3 tells the unforgettable story of three innocent pets — a dog, a cat and a rabbit — who have been converted into deadly cyborgs by a sinister military weapons program.

With nervous systems amplified to match their terrifying mechanical exoskeletons, the members of Animal Weapon 3 have the firepower of a battalion between them. But they are just the program’s prototypes, and now that their testing is complete they’re slated to be permanently “de-commissioned” — until they seize their one chance to make a desperate run for freedom.

Relentlessly pursued by their makers, the WE3 team must navigate a frightening and confusing world where their instincts and heightened abilities make them as much a threat as those hunting them — but a world, nonetheless, in which somewhere there is something called “home.”

It’s very gory, very very well-written, and very good. I thought it was kinda tongue in cheek funny (bionic killer bunny? please!) but turned out to be quite serious.

Apparently they will make a movie based on this concept, it will be like Short Circuit meets The Incredible Journey. Tears will be shed.