Rambo – Best movie EVER

28 Jan

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OMG the new Rambo is the holt grail of action movies.

Watching this movie made me angry. Not the bad kind of angry but the good kind. Of course, all anger is good anger as far as Rambo is concerned. When the movie was over I stood up and said to myself “I’m gonna’ go break something!” I just started punching people on my way out of the theater. I saw a movie poster for “Sex and the City” and I didn’t even hesitate – The next thing I knew I was throwing some woman’s baby right through the damn thing.

John Rambo did nothing but kill people in that movie. I mean that was it! The whole Goddamn movie was one long continuous slaughter and Rambo was the man wielding the butcher knife. Literally! He forged his own fucking blade! Just for this movie! And you know you’re a bad ass when all you ever dream are bloody war ravaged nightmares narrated by Colonel Troutman. You think Rambo ever dreams about Peace and happiness? Yeah, neither do I.

The last 25 minutes of the movie are better than every action movie ever made. It makes 300 look like “a river runs through it”. It makes Die Hard 4 look like “Brokeback Mountain”. It’s THAT good. After the last 25 minutes were over..I looked around the theater and everyone was dead…blown in half, arrows in their head, limbs everywhere.

I’d give the movie 2 thumbs up but they were blown off by shrapnel during the movie. The only part I didn’t like about the movie was nothing. Theaters will go out of business because after every showing they will have to put in new seats and get the carpets steam cleaned because of all the blood and bullet damage.

Also here are 10 things I learned from watching the new Rambo:

1- Rambo and tracking dogs do not mix

2- Burmese soldiers will rape on the spot every women they come across except the white beautiful american blond

3- They already have enough cobra. Need python.

4- It rains so much in Thailand and Bumra, people stopped caring and don’t use umbrellas anymore

5- White Christian missionaries: it’s what’s for dinner!

6- When your pushed, killing’s as easy as breathing. Except when you breath you don’t convert 100 burmese soldiers into hamburger using a 50 caliber anti-aircraft gun.

7- Christian missionaries abhor killing..taking a life is NEVER right. except when it comes to rescuing fellow missionaries, in which case its cool to use donated church money to pay brutal professional killers to go into the burmese military camp and slaughter them.

8- Mercenaries are really good at building a stretcher in .03 seconds

9- Rambo needs a new boat

10 – some asians can actually grow a decent beard

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2 Responses to “Rambo – Best movie EVER”

  1. asharak January 28, 2008 at 6:12 pm #

    I’m seeing it this weekend.
    The only Rambo movie I’ve liked so far is First Blood, though.

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