Federal Maximum Security Super Evil Genius Jail

13 Feb

So Six convicts escaped from jail, only to be all recaptured again within 3 days.

It’s so funny, every time I hear of some escape from jail, I know they will always be recaptured. Why? usually because the convicts are idiots. Just once, I’d love to see a criminal escape from jail the same way they do in the movies.

Here is what my dream headline would look like:

Associated Press
Spectacular Escape by Super Evil Inmate from Maximum Security Super Evil Genius Jail Baffles Police
By Hugh E. Wreksuen , 02.13.2006

Death Island – Dr. Bleak Pathos, 65, of Ohio, has baffled police and security guards by escaping against all odds from the Federal Maximum Security Super Evil Genius Jail which is located in Death Island, off the coast of New Jersey. Federal Maximum Security Super Evil Genius Jail is open for touring every Saturday, special group discount rates are available. Don’t forget to visit the Federal Maximum Security Super Evil Genius Jail gift shop when you leave.

Pathos eluded security guards by creating an exact replica security guard uniform with 6 years worth of belly button lint and dying it with elixirs created from the crushed bodies of cockroaches and other native vermin of the jail cell, investigators believe. He then created a key with exact specifications to open his cell from breakfast toast that had been artificially hardened using unknown chemical agents apparently created by mixtures of putrefying food items and sea gull droppings collected from the prison cell window sill.

Pathos is believed to be armed and extremely super evil. Anyone with information regarding the current whereabouts of Dr. Bleak pathos should contact Federal authorities via the special super evil genius escapee hotline, 1-800–DRAT-FOILEDAGAIN. Federal investigators believe he may currently be hiding in a deep sea super secret evil genius submarine, or perhaps in one of the moons lunar craters.

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7 Responses to “Federal Maximum Security Super Evil Genius Jail”

  1. kamakaxe February 13, 2006 at 7:50 pm #

    haha, nice. Of course evil has to lie off the coast of Jersey. You should make “Free Pathos” shirts. That’d sell on so many levels.

  2. synisterchyck February 13, 2006 at 8:42 pm #

    So kinda like the movie Lilo & Stitch

    • bboyneko February 13, 2006 at 8:45 pm #

      there’s not even a remote resemblance?

      • synisterchyck February 13, 2006 at 9:05 pm #

        What is the point of being evil if you aren’t disarmingly and irresistibly cute?

      • bboyneko February 13, 2006 at 9:23 pm #

        You can tell your a chick (T_T)

      • synisterchyck February 13, 2006 at 9:28 pm #

        Cause my name didn’t give it away…
        Yep us girls have mastered the art of being cute and evil and in my case, well accessorized.

  3. son_of_ottie February 13, 2006 at 8:59 pm #

    That’s hysterical!! You’re a super evil genius yourself! Afterall, anyone who can make Nicole Kidman put down her lettuce and leave the kitchen is definitely SUPER EVIL!!!!

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