Matrix Sucked: here is Why Matrix: Revolutions Sucks

8 Nov

Why was it disappointing? Why did it teh suck?

1- No one wins (machines STILL enslave humanity AND have upper say you could argue machines are winners)

2- Fight scenes sucked (why? Neo and smith just take turns throwing and landing dragon ball z attacks..not much actual blocking etc..the fights in reloaded were 100 times better..and it just stands to reason that the FINAL FUCKING FIGHT would be the fight to end all fights..hence the suckage)

3- Trinity survives the 2nd movie to fulfill her ultimate purpose: to be Neo’s chauffer

4- The inside of these ships must be made out of Ginsu knifes, people keep on getting fucking impaled

5- How does one overcome the AWE DEFYING SUPER MACHINE DEFENSES around 01? Neo and Trinity against the Supa Dupa Mega Defenses Of the Machines. As the movie said… “No one in a 100 years have gooten with in 10 miles of the base.” Neo’s answer to defeat this mega defense? “Lets fly over the fucking thing.” OH MY GOD!!! NEO no wonder you are JESUS! You are soooo smart. DAMN YOU!!! I want my 8 fucking bucks back!!!

6- In order to understand fully about the child born of love and the oracles demise, you have to have played the video game
(its not that much of a story too..someone the oracle trusted sold her termination codes to the frenchman, who in turn deleted her..but she found a new shell..she went thru it cus she said the child is the most important thing)

7- To defeat smith..neo must umm..become a suicide bomber..I guess pretty much anyone culda beaten smith then..they wuld have just needed to let him over-write them, then blow up their body

8- We spend the entire movie with mostly secondary characters and care little for them. Did you honestly give a shit about Link and his wittle gawfwend? Or about that fucking annoying kid? he had an interesting story in the animatrix..he came back to live even tho he committed suicide in the matrix..the mind existing without the body…or whatnot..they dont explore that one iota in this film

9- The climatic squids vs zion battle put me to sleep. I just stopped caring when I was expected to believe, as an audience member, that even 100 mechs could stand more than 30 seconds against 250,000 squids..the mechs weren’t even moving! theys tood there..the squids could just fucking run and up and stab each occupant, since they dont have armor over the canopy..just some flimsy bars.

10- Your telling me all it takes is one EMP to take out 250,000 squids? Then WHY THE FUCK dont they have a super emergency EMP in zion? Youd think they would think ahead. And even today, we can shield electronic equipment from EMP bursts

11- Machines cant get bubonic plaque the ultimate weapon machines could use would be not mechanized squids with inefficient lasers and claws as weapons, but biological ones..why not just bomb zion with a genetically engineered plaque? Wipe out the humans in zion without much effort.

12- the very cool concept of machines creating a child program out of love is not explored at all. This was the one thing that could have really changed the movie and made it good

13- The Kid didn’t know for sure the war was one did for sure. They simply “believed” neo had saved them..without a single shred of proof. Isnt this ridiculously foolish thing to do? Why not barricade and wait for official word?

14-At the end of “RELOADED”, Morpheus had been put through Hell (again), having his ship destroyed and being told that Neo was not “The One” he thought he was. I could not wait for the final installment to see Morpheus deal with his world being turned upside down. Instead, he just flew around the tunnels upside down, with Niobe barking orders. The shaky camera really added to the intensity, don’t you think? What a waste of great pathos.

15-If Neo and Trinity can just fly their ship up into the sky and see the sun….why the fuck dont the machines put something up there to collect energy. Its got to be better than human duracels.

16- Neos little exchange with Bane/smith was ridiculous. How idiotic does neos character need to be?

Neo: “Who are you?”

Bane (in a note-perfect Agent Smith voice): “Don’t you know, Mr. Anderson?”

Neo: “Tell me who you are?”

BANE: “Mr. Anderson, I think you do know who I am…”

Neo: “No, I don’t.”

BANE: “Don’t you recognize my voice? The Mr. Anderson part?”

Neo: “…….”

BANE: “Black suit? Sunglasses?

Neo: “…….”

BANE: Receding hairline? ‘Mr. Anderson.’ Any of this ringing a bell?”

Neo: “That’s all fine, but WHO are you?”


4 Responses to “Matrix Sucked: here is Why Matrix: Revolutions Sucks”

  1. tigerjunglist November 8, 2003 at 7:34 pm #

    Too many spoilers!!

  2. Anonymous November 14, 2003 at 10:16 am #

    Problems with “The Matrix”
    Re your point #15: “If Neo and Trinity can just fly their ship up into the sky and see the sun….why the fuck dont the machines put something up there to collect energy. Its got to be better than human duracels.”
    This “human duracell” bit is the lamest premise I’ve seen in sci-fi. In addition to being technically idiotic, it is nothing more than an attempt to portray the machines as totally evil and exploitative. It would be more believable to stipulate that the machines are keeping humans in the Matrix because IT’S WHAT THE HUMANS WANTED – to live and work in a pleasant fantasy world, made “real” by technology, rather than a real world that was falling apart.
    This would also fit in with the spiritual message. Why do people embrace the illusion, rather than strive for the truth? BECAUSE IT’S EASIER!
    Thanks for the review. I’ll probably see the movies anyway, just to say I’ve seen them. Besides, I like eye candy, even in movies that suck.

  3. Anonymous November 20, 2003 at 8:12 am #

    More on the “Human Duracell” angle…
    If the machines really wanted to get power out of humans, why not have them working exercycles, or rowing machines, hooked up to turbines, while their minds are engrossed in cyberspace? For that matter, why not have them doing useful work, like planting crops and harvesting them to provide organic material that the machines can use to keep all those bodies alive?
    Speaking of crops, where does Zion’s food come from?

  4. psupachic November 23, 2003 at 4:14 pm #

    Very Well Put. That is EXACTLY why it sucked.

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